What to say in a voice message (and why it can beat video)

A good voice message says who you are, tells one short story and ends with a wish or a thank-you, all in about a minute. Voice often beats video when the person recording hates the camera, when the listener is older, or when the message is emotional enough that a face on screen would get in the way.

When a voice note is the better choice

Some people will record a video only under protest, and it shows. They look at themselves in the little preview window, fix their hair, start over four times and end up with twelve stiff seconds. Hand the same person a voice note and they'll talk for a minute like they're on the phone with you. If someone in your group says "I don't do video," offer voice before they talk themselves out of sending anything.

Grandparents and older relatives are the next group. Holding a phone at arm's length, finding the right button and looking at the lens instead of the screen is a lot of steps. Talking into a phone is one step they've done for decades. A lot of older people sound more like themselves on a voice note than they look on video, because they stop performing.

Then there are the people who are busy or out of the house: a nurse on a break, a dad parked in the school pickup line, a coworker in an open office. They can put in earbuds and record in a stairwell or a parked car. Nobody needs to see the fluorescent lighting.

Voice also works better for emotional messages. Get-well wishes, goodbyes, and thank-yous to someone who got you through a bad year are hard to say on camera. If your voice cracks on a recording, it sounds warm. If it cracks on video, you start apologizing and wiping your eyes, and the message turns into you managing your face.

And one reason for the listener: a voice message can be played in the car, on a walk or with eyes closed. It's easy to play again, and people do.

How to record a good one

Find a quiet room. Background noise is louder on a recording than it feels in the room. Turn off the dishwasher, close the window, or go sit in the car in the driveway. A closet full of coats makes a surprisingly good recording booth.

Start with who you are. "Hi Dana, it's Marcus from the third floor." On video, people see your face. On a voice note, they only have your voice, and in a group message they may hear twenty people in a row. Say your name and how you know them in the first sentence.

Tell one story. One. The time you got lost looking for the lake house and ended up at a llama farm. People remember a story. They forget a list of nice qualities by the next message.

Keep it to about a minute. Most good voice messages run 40 to 60 seconds. That's around 120 to 150 words if you write it down first.

A few smaller things that help:

• Hold the phone about a hand's width from your mouth and a little to the side, so your breath doesn't pop.
• Write three bullet points, not a script. A script sounds like someone reading.
• Smile on the first line. You can hear it.
• If you stumble, keep going. A stumble sounds like a person. Nine retakes sound like a voicemail greeting.
• Listen back once, then stop fiddling with it.

Get everyone's messages into one video

Share one link, everyone adds a voice note, a video, photos or a written message from their phone, and on the day it all plays as one video.

Build a moment

Example voice messages for a birthday

From a friend: "Hey Priya, it's Jess. I was trying to pick my favorite birthday of yours, and it's the one where we drove to Asheville, the car overheated outside Gaffney, and we ate peach ice cream at a gas station for three hours waiting for the tow truck. You made up a song about the driver. I still know the words. Let's go somewhere this year where the car makes it."

From a parent: "Sam, it's Mom. Twenty-six years ago today it was snowing so hard your dad drove to the hospital at eleven miles an hour, and he still calls it the best drive of his life. I think about that every year. You turned into someone I'd want to be friends with even if we weren't related. Call me after, I want to hear what you did."

From a grandparent: "Hello Noah, it's Grandpa. Your mother is holding the phone because I don't trust it. I wanted to tell you I still have the birdhouse we built when you were eight. The roof is crooked and the wrens don't care. They're back every April. Come fix the roof sometime."

From a sibling: "It's Leah. I'm still not sorry about the haircut I gave you the night before picture day. You're welcome for the character it built. See you Sunday, I'm bringing the photos."

For a farewell

From a coworker: "Hi Tom, it's Ana from accounts payable. My first week you sat with me for an hour and showed me how to color-code the vendor list, and I still do it your way. Denver is getting a good one. Send pictures of the mountains so we can be jealous from our desks."

From a manager: "Rachel, it's Greg. I'm recording this in the parking garage because I'd rather not get emotional in the break room. When you rebuilt onboarding in three weeks, people stopped emailing me at ten at night. Most people won't notice that until you're gone. I noticed. I hope the new place gives you a desk by a window. Hold out for one."

From a neighbor: "Hi Ellen, it's Walt next door. Twelve years of you taking in our packages and walking Biscuit home every time he got under the fence. He's going to sit by your gate for a while. We'll miss the wave in the morning. If Portland needs someone to hold a spare key, we're available."

For a get-well message

This is where voice does best. Keep it light, skip the medical questions, and don't give them anything to answer.

From a friend: "Hi Marisol, it's Kate. No need to reply to this. Book club voted to read something short this month in your honor, which means Linda picked a book with pictures. We saved your chair and the good crackers. Rest up, we'll fill you in on the drama."

From a coworker: "Hey Dev, it's Chris from the Tuesday standup. The printer jammed again and nobody knows how to fix it without you, so we're all walking up to the one on four now. Take your time. We're keeping your plant alive, or at least trying."

From a family member: "Hi Aunt June, it's Leo. Mom said you're stuck on the couch for a few weeks, so I figured you could use something to listen to. I made your lemon bars last weekend from your recipe card, and they were not as good as yours. You'll have to show me what I did wrong when you're up. Love you."

For a thank-you

To an old coach: "Coach Rivera, it's Danny Ortiz, number 14, class of 2016. I was the kid who cried after we lost to Central. You sat on the bench with me until the bus came and didn't say a word, which was exactly right. I coach my daughter's team now. When they lose, I sit on the bench."

To a friend who helped you move: "Ben, it's Aisha. You carried my couch up four flights in August and never brought it up again. Every time I sit on it I think about you swearing on the second landing. Thank you. Dinner's on me, anywhere you want, including the place with the cloth napkins."

To a neighbor who stepped in: "Hi Mrs. Kaplan, it's Tara from 3B. The week Jack was in the hospital, you took the girls every afternoon, fed them mac and cheese and taught them crazy eights. They still talk about it, and they both beat me at cards now. Thank you for doing it before we even asked."

What to leave out

• A list of their good qualities. Pick one and give the example.
• Jokes that need your face to land. On a voice note, the eyebrow raise is lost.
• "I don't really know what to say." Open with the story instead.
• For a get-well message, anything that needs a reply.

Put your voice note with everyone else's

If you're collecting messages from a group, thisfeeling puts voice notes, videos, photos and written messages together into one video, with each person's name on their message. Watch the sample video or see how it works. For getting everyone to send theirs, read how to collect video messages from a group.

Build a moment